Illuminating conversation

Dodge was helping me make my bed before we left to go somewhere and I asked him to get me a certain black shirt from the dryer. Upon returning, he said, "It's not in there. I looked, but I didn't see it."
I responded, "That doesn't mean it's not in there. You're not the best at finding things."
He grabbed the corner of my comforter and said, "I wish I was a detective. Then I could find everything."
As I pulled my corner I said, "A person who is good at finding things becomes a detective. Not the other way around."
Laughing, he noted, "Well, I'm never going to be a detective. I suck at finding things." Then he ran off to tell his sister, "Hey Scoochy, I'm definitely not going to be a detective..."

You almost got it.

Dodge and his dad were wrestling around a while back. Dug was about to go in for an attack when Dodge suddenly stood up with his hands in the air.

"Stop!" he yelled. "I'm innocent! I'm by-standard!"

It took us a second before we understood what he meant. Then we explained it to him. No, Dodge, it's "innocent bystander." He he he.